"My brand of brutish happiness does not appease many people."

Just came to me

Very marginally relatedly [adverbs galore!], I strongly gender-identify as male. With self-calibrated gender quizzes, I routinely test around 75% (0% being female and 100% being male). I can't tell how much of this gender identity happened after I started being conscious of it, o what a conundrum. This train of thought is branching out into dozens of tendrils, and I don't have the inclination to pursue each of them at this moment in time. Lovely dendritic imagery there, don't you think? Even if I got my metaphors crossed. lol misfiring axons. At times I think it would have been nice to remain unaware of this maleness paradigm beneath my skin, but probably that's just because it's all wrapped up in my sexual painful issues, which I often lament but really actually need to learn to deal with positively and effectively. However I don't think the desire to just coast and be is all bad, concerning this issue. Anyhow skipping back a bit it's not just "oh I like to swear and read sci-fi" or something, not just a collection of actions and possessions coalescing into a persona; it's an underlying core consistency, one that makes me regularly identify with males and male issues (though I of course retain femininity-- not makeup femininity but emergency contraception femininity; not dizzy girlishness but an ability to appeal to raw weakness and not a blustery front). Okay now my mind is starting to slither down those aforementioned myelin sheaths so I'm going to leave this alone and continue cleaning my room. I need fresh air desperately.